Tuesday, November 20, 2012

29 Days Left

My biggest regret is not starting things I didn't finish. My biggest regret is not starting things whether I would finish them or not. I am affected by the "Someday Syndrome" in several aspects of my life. Tonight would take too much time to answer in detail, but I feel like even a short answer is a start in not giving into the Someday Syndrome. So even though I'm nearing another end to another day I am making progress.

The metaphor for my life would be a building. Constantly adding on rooms.

Monday, November 19, 2012

30 Days Left

I realize I probably have many more years to live and the purpose of this book is to help you to start living life to it's fullest. However, knowing that my life is sure to be long, it makes it difficult to feel a sense of urgency to figure out what I would do if I did indeed only have 30 days to live.

So, I tried really hard to imagine my days were numbered. After reading Day 1 and being posed with the question to quickly, without thinking about it too hard, what 5 things would you want do with only a month left, I began to try to think of things. I am known for over thinking things. K.I.S.S. came to mind. Keep It Simple Stupid. So, I tried again.

1. Plant a garden.

Of course, I won't be around to enjoy it, but maybe those who survive me will enjoy it. It can stay on my list.

2. Get healthier so maybe I will live longer than thirty days.

You've just given me thirty days to live. I think I am screwed, but maybe I will beat this game with that one so it can stay in place of "sit here and wait to die", which honestly was the only thing I could think of that I really wanted to do at that moment.

I decided it was time to take a break. Even if I had to sleep on it, it was ultimately my decision if I wanted to take some time to think about it. As the night went on I was able to think of 3 more things I would want to do, without any more sarcastic thoughts.

3. Run a 10k.

4. Put together a photo album of old pictures.

5. Spend more time with my family.

And one more really important thing that I know will take longer than a month to do, but even partially done it would be better than not being done at all. I want to write a book.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

One Month To Live

So what do you do when you find out someone you love only has one month to live? If you are me, you go through waves of emotions that you now feel certain will continue to rise and fall for years to come. And then you decide it would be a good time to pour out your soul, again, because you know there is someone, somewhere that will read your story and find some much needed hope.

When the doctor said three months and at the most one year, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I couldn't breathe. Then I felt the sting of tears as they started to well up in my eyes. I was supposed to be there for support, but somehow the tables turned on me and I ended up being the one who needed it.

I realized at that moment what it felt like to have someone try to blow sunshine up your ass. I also realized at that moment I had been a "sunshine blower", but I honestly thought I was boldly showing that I had faith. I now know that having faith is not saying to that mountain move, but knowing that if it doesn't, God will give the strength needed to climb it.

It was not my own idea to read the book One Month To Live, it was their idea for me to read it with them. It was my idea to blog about it, because I have a feeling that this will be a month I will not want to forget.