Wormwie's First Report

Baalzivuv,

Here is the report you wanted on a couple of the humans you assigned me. Things were going fine until he met that female human. I thought I could make it work to our adfantij...advinteg...advan....work out good for us, but now I don't know. They got legally married a week or so ago and a bunch of humans quit saying they were living in sin. Hippirat has been good at telling them all that they use to live in sin. His job is so easy. Make the humans forget about forgiveness so they'll walk around with their noses stuck in the air thinking they aren't doing nothing wrong. I keep telling him one of these days it'll get him in trouble. Their eyes might be looking down while their noses are pointed up, but you just wait until one of them swings their head a little too hard and their nose tugs on their heart. They're going to look up and remember The Maker is looking down on them. He says that it happens every now and then, but he just tells them that it's okay that The Maker is proud of them for being gooder than those other humans.

I have tried just about everything I know. I figure if I can make the female mad I can get my hooks back in the male, but she won't budge. She just calls The Maker. I thunk that her calling Him Daddy would make Him mad at her, but it don't. I can't stand how much The Maker loves them. She tried to tell me that my assignment was over, but I told her I'd be back when she's not so...not so...grrrrr. It makes me more madder just thinking about telling you. Don't you worry though. I'll just go and kick that male human in the knees when he's not looking.

Your Bestest Demon,
Wormwie

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Wormwie,

Don't you dare kick that male human in the knees! You ain't the most smartest one are you? If the male human falls on his knees then he'll just call The Maker while he's on them. All I hears you say was The Maker this, The Maker that. Stop telling me about The Maker! Hippirat had a gooder job cause he does a gooder report and leaves that out! Now you may have bruised her heel, but she gave me a crushing headache. You are temporarily unassigned. Don't let the female human know that! I know and you know that The...The...you know who gave her the power to do that, but geez dumbly don't tell her that! Go find some other human to torture! And by all means, keep them away from The Book! You let the male human find the one about being happy about the crappy world. That's all I needed with this splitting headache is to listen to him hollering about how happy he is when you'd think he'd know things are going so miserably bad. You miserable fink! Why'd you let him find that one!

Rotten hell,
Baalzivuv

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Wormwie - the name comes from Wormwood meaning worldly goods, world-shattering and worried sick.
Hippirat - whose name comes from hypocrite.
Baalzivuv - whose name comes from Beelzebub or Satan.
The Maker - whose name is God.